Best Advice We Received About Raising Kids
My sister-in-law Patiense recently asked me to share a devotional at a baby shower that our church threw for her. I was excited and grateful to have the opportunity to share, but it was also a difficult topic for me to throw myself into. As you know, I am not in a place where I can get pregnant, because of a number of medications and treatments that are addressing the cancer. In some ways, this is heartbreaking for me as I see my three amazing kids growing well past the infant, or baby, or even the toddler phase of life, without younger siblings to stumble around the house or keep us up at night.
Aside from natural pregnancy, we also have a heart for adoption, but believe that God has paused that endeavor as we address the three spots in my lungs.
All that to say, it was with many tears and stomach knots that I put on my “mom of littles” hat and shared the top 3 pieces of advice that we received when having babies. I hope it blesses you if you are in this phase of life as well!
The baby phase goes by so fast – you better enjoy it!!
I feel like I heard this saying so much that it really did cause me to look for moments that I would miss, even with long sleep deprived nights, poopy diapers, and baby spit-up all over a fresh clean outfit, the mind set of “this phase will go by quickly” helped me look for the positives. Like holding my baby's chubby dense body right before I laid them down in their crib at night to take as many extra minutes as I could to just stand there and hold them. I would take some deep breaths, soak in the moment, the sweet baby smell, the sheer contentment on their sleeping face, and thank God for the gift he had given me. I almost have these snapshot images in my mind of doing this with each of my kids, and it was truly a special, precious time in life. I am so thankful everyone and their mother told me “ENJOY THE BABY PHASE, IT GOES BY SO FAST.” As much as I felt like this was almost overshared at the time, it really did cause me to savor important moments a little extra.
When I was reflecting on those earlier years of parenting, one of the moments that sticks out to me is my first power struggle with Reegan when she was only 10/11 months old! She was a couple weeks into eating solid foods and I still remember her sweet little round face as we made eye contact, and she grabbed a fist full of cheerios as she held them out off the tray and dropped them on the ground.
Surely accidental. I thought.
I picked them up, set them back on the tray and said “no-no, honey.”
She did it again.
At this point she was very good with sign language and knew the sign for “all done”
So, I asked her “Are you all done?” No response, just the cute innocent stare of my... “perfect” ....baby.
And for some reason more cheerios went on the floor. Thus began our first *hour long power struggle until she would sign “all done” for me. This story does have a happy ending though, and advice I think is important to instill in those early formative months and years
2. Mommy is in charge. Obedience is non-negotiable.
Proverbs puts it this way in chapter 6:
20 My son, keep your father's commandment,
and forsake not your mother's teaching.
21 Bind them on your heart always;
tie them around your neck.
22 When you walk, they will lead you;
when you lie down, they will watch over you;
and when you awake, they will talk with you.
23 For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light,
and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life,
Although this is a hard, more emotional lesson and piece of advice, I will say that once Jamison and I stuck it out with power struggles for simple things, like obedience, with each of our kids, it made the world of difference. Babies learn that their desire for sin isn’t stronger than mommy and daddies will for their good, and they learn the joy and love of reconciliation after that desire for sin is addressed and they submitted to our authority. The beauty of this is how it correlates to us with Christ, we’re teaching a vital lesson in being able give our kids the gift of self-control, and practicing not getting their own way, it then becomes easier as an adult when we understand authority, and have had those self-control muscles exercised from an early age, so when our desire to be defiant rears its ugly head, even as adults, and we want to throw cheerios on the floor we were given the opportunity to learn self-control.
Remember proverbs says “reproofs of discipline are the way of life”
The third thing that stuck out to both Jamison and I was advice given to us by a gentleman at our church to Jamison, and he later reflected to me about this moment and said “He was so nice about it, it took me a minute to realize... I think he’s rebuking me.”
Jamison and this friend from church were watching the kids play on a playground at our church beach camp, they were visiting, and Jamison said something along the lines of “Oh, that’s Reegan she always does ___.” he doesn’t remember the exact thing he was labeling Reegan as in that moment, but the advice the older gentlemen responded with has been true and helpful words over our years of parenting. He said:
3. “In my experience as I father, children change a lot. They go through different seasons of life. I try my best not to put them in a box, but rather give them room to change.”
This advice has proven true with our children. Whenever there were and are more difficult seasons with parenting, and when baby Easten is going through things like growth spurts, teething, and then the eventually phases of power struggles, it was such a helpful mindset for us to remember, even if the current phase feels like it’s the way it’s always going to be – it's not. Children change, babies grow, and the seasons of what parenting looks like, change. Give yourself and baby Easten room to learn and grow, and the freedom and space to change.
This also makes me think of the Christian walk, and the sanctification process that God has each of us as his children on and how patient God is with us while we’re learning and growing as believers.
Listen to this description from Nehemiah 9, talking about the Israelites:
They became stubborn and would not listen to Your commandments.
“They refused to listen,
And did not remember Your wondrous deeds which You had performed among them;
So they became stubborn and appointed a leader to return to their slavery in Egypt.
That reminds me of myself sometimes. Stubborn, refusing to listen, forgetting what’s been done for me, etc. But now listen to how God responds to this behavior:
But You are a God of forgiveness,
Gracious and compassionate,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness;
And You did not forsake them.
This is the grace I want to have for my children. To not put them in a box, but to be forgiving, gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness.