New Spot, Old Plan, Still Loved

After some unclear imaging and mis-comparisons between scans we finally have an idea of what we’re looking at after 3+weeks of waiting! It appears my lung spots are gone (still waiting for an additional chest CT to be 100% clear on that)

There is however an additional tumor on my liver, and my blood markers went up from 0.58 (low amount of cancer DNA circulating in my blood) to 7.48, confirming it is indeed cancer. medium sad, bummer. Only medium sad because it’s in the same spot I had ablation surgery last summer, and it's easy enough to do a repeat surgery on this spot. We’re waiting for that consultation to schedule either the ablation or possibly radiation. This spot was just outside of the margin on the tumor treated last summer, and even the surgeon said there might be some regrowth in this spot. Sure enough, My liver is super good at growing cancer there. Not sure what other great talents a liver could have but I am not overly fond of this one.  

There’s the medical update, which is always easier than looking inward and explaining the marshland of my inner selfhood.

Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord your God is in your midst. I mighty one who will save.

He will rejoice over you with gladness,

He will quiet you by his love,

He will exult over you with loud singing

Early on in my diagnosis, and this is difficult and humbling to admit, I felt bitterness because I felt that God knew that no matter what He brought into my life, because from a young age my parents had woven faith in Christ into my identity, that I would never forsake what I know to be true of Jesus and the words or the Bible.

In my ignorance I felt bitter that God kept allowing my cancer to come back, knowing that I would ultimately praise him in the midst of all it. This made me feel like God was (*cringe) taking advantage of how he made me.

Praise God, He is flipping this sinful way of thinking on its head. He is, through his words of truth in scripture, changing and instructing my mind in what is actually true. I feel God changing my bitterness into hope. Hope in His ability to forever string out of my mouth an endless hallelujah. My hope is not in my personality, or resilience or fortitude to endure suffering, but in a perfect God who flips everything on its head and makes “partaking in his suffering” WITH him, more beautiful and sweeter than a life filled with the ease, or absence of trial and heartache.

“Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you

partners with Christ in his suffering” (1 Peter 4:13)